I can touch my toes!! My back doesn't hurt when I stand for a long time!! YOGAAAAAAaaa

I am enjoying school/all my classes.

I wanna go abroad to Madrid next spring.

I went to yoga twice so far this week with Eldge, and it's awesome (aka I'm really feelin' it).

Additionally, I haven't been eating cheese or any form of white bread, and I've been getting soy milk instead of regular milk. I also want to avoid all really fake, processed foods. Hopefully over time this will have a nice effect. 

I've been having the most fucked up, weird, confusing dreams almost every night. I usually never remember even having dreams. 

My brains gotta CHILL. 

Wow

"I used to think that after you died you would get to see yourself through the eyes of everyone you had ever interacted with, and that depending on your behavior this could be heaven or hell."

-A girl's project on a website I stumbledupon

Okay...

~I'm back at school and 3/4 of my teachers are awesome... like really cool people. The fourth is a little cold but I have already started to figure out how I can slack in the class and still do well. I still have no friends, and it's impossible for me to work hard and do well unless I'm with people I love and have a nice balance between work and play :(

~I've already emailed a few people about jobs because I really need to be making money. I can't wait to have an income so I don't have to stress about money constantly.

~I miss my friends at Villanova but I do not miss the school.

~I have a roommate and it's almost like nothing is even different. She sits at her computer all day with her headphones. I wish she'd like... interact with me, but even when I try to be nice and talk she's just not interested. Nyla also said she saw her crying on the phone before and I walked in as one of her friends was obviously trying to cheer her up... I don't get it. I think I'm applying for a room change into a sophomore (appropriate) building... that'd be sweet.

~I will admit that I was having doubts, but things are better than they have ever been. Things are so good. I'm really happy.

~I'm tired all the time. I need to go to the doctor. 

Friday night Joey had a 70s party at his house.

Saturday night was the worst night... attempted to go out to dinner with my family and that exploded into WWIII... in public.

Sunday chilled at Joeys with everyone.

Monday played beer pong at Joeys.

Tuesday went on a date with Malora and ordered lots of Empire at Joey's then sat around with Mal & Dan. 

haha I guess that's what happens when someone's parents go away. 

I have been sleeping so much and chillin' all day. I feel lazy but it's definitely helping me get my shit back together. I'm getting a roommate when I get back to school. I have really high hopes for it helping this semester be better than last semester (socially and academically). 

I feel myself being pieced back together a little at a time. It's just strange because the pieces never go back together how they were before. You grow, you know? You change... and you have to learn how to keep it together while all the new pieces fall into place. Unfortunately, I think the only way to learn how to do that is to fall apart a few times. 

don't regret the done dirt there is no life plan set!!!!

mostly i'm sitting at my kitchen table eating grapefruit and drinking wild berry tea and i'm pretty content. i'm googling hippy so i can come up with some outfit for joey's later and i'm pissed that i spent so long protesting listening to the shins because i just enjoy them so much now. i want my sisters to be home from school plz. 

i have to ramble

when i try to think about why i am so insecure and upset and negative lately i think as far back as i can to a time when i can try to say it started and i remember both sitting at my computer and sitting on my couch feeling this numbing, paralyzing pain right after we broke up... a break up sucks and i now have a much greater respect for people who go through break ups after long-term relationships, but i should have never let it ruin almost 6 months of my life i should have kept my head up and strengthened my friendships and stayed happy i created a bad habit over those six months of seeking happiness in only one person and now that things are getting better and falling back into place that is really hurting me i miss my friendships and my happiness and my confidence and my positivity and i know that i need to regain that part of myself before i can ever even think about being in a healthy relationship i've always really hated when people are like "omg i want to just get away and go somewhere where i know no one" but i really, truly feel like that... like i don't want to leave everything i have behind i just need a change of scenery where i can grow back together and rediscover who i am on my own, without depending on anyone and then come back to where i am as a better version of myself... given that that isn't really possible right now, i guess this is going to be a little harder than expected... i guess my only plan is to go back to school, settle in, GET A JOB, concentrate on school work, see as many new things in new york city as possible, and meet as many new people as possible i really take my surroundings for granted at school i'm in possibly one of the most exciting cities in the world and i dont do anything about it i also want to start going to free yoga on st marks i will clear my mind and strengthen my body and feel so much better i've also been paying a lot of attention to food lately and what everything is made of and how it will affect my body and what i should and should not be feeding myself and i feel like once you really think about what is in food it becomes impossible to eat crap... the thought of putting fake, processed, man-made products into my body seems so wrong especially when there are so many better real alternatives... i don't know a little nerdy of me but part of being the better version of me not only requires mental reform but also physical reform 

basically, '08 was a pretty hard year for me. i transferred schools after becoming really comfortable with great friends at a school that is (unfortunately) totally not for me, i started a relationship that meant more to me than i ever expected and went through more ups and downs with it in one year than i ever though was possible, and i watched my family grow from a scattered mess into a real, close family. in the midst of all the shit that all of these changes entailed, i lost sight of all the good things in my life. i got very lazy with a lot of my friendships and my interests & i stopped believing in myself and started looking way too far into things. my new years resolution is to let go and stop trying to control the outcome of everything. i know that what is meant to be will find a way, and i want to be carefree and happy and enjoying myself despite any set backs that i may encounter. shit is going to happen, but happiness is a choice, and i am really done making excuses as to why i can't make the right choice. 

2008 really was a year of changes and reconstruction for me. i know it'll take at least most of this year for me to complete all of these changes that i've started, but i'm so excited (& scared) to see where i end up after it all.