Sunday, March 29, 2009
a day at a time
"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does."
Monday, March 23, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
i want to get the thoughts out of my brain but i can't find the words to do so. i just feel so optimistic and i'm not used to it. the pessimistic part of me that i have pushed all the way to the back of my mind is trying to scream at me to stop being so positive but i'm tuning it out. the way i was never made me happy, so i'm trying something new. don't give me a reason to regret this.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
today i woke up late and then found out i did bad on the test i thought i did great on... then i went to a meeting about pre-health (courses that you need for medical school) and basically got told my gpa wasn't great (3.35? whatEVER) and im going to be in school til i die. even if i start now im still going to be taking classes after i graduate and i think it will prevent me from going abroad so fuck that. maybe ill go to a masters program and get a job and then take classes and go to med school. or maybe ill be poor for my whole life and never accomplish anything.
now i have to go study and take a midterm which ill probably just do bad on anyway AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FUCK i wanna go home
now i have to go study and take a midterm which ill probably just do bad on anyway AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FUCK i wanna go home
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
so i watched twilight last night and for anyone who knows me at all i would obviously love that movie.... except i don't know if i loved it or not. i mean i didn't read the book so i didn't know what to expect but i just felt like it skipped a lot of important details and was kind of rushed... which sucks because they don't even struggle to be together at all except for like 10 minutes of the movie in which they have a series of overly dramatic conversations until she discovers hes a vamp... then all the sudden theyre in love. it's cool though because the girl in it looks like she could be any girl that we go to school with... she's not this like super hot supermodel shes a normal pretty girl... who looks like she doesn't eat... but that's besides the point. the dude is obviously so hot but i feel like he isn't that great of an actor... i can't really tell if hes supposed to seem awkward because hes like technically 100 years old and the aged, wise type or if he just can't act. idk. sometimes everything was just too intense and over done.... :( i still am drawn to the idea and the story and it makes my heart melt haha im just sad because the movie didn't meet my expectations :( :( so i guess i'll read the book (which i will probably like more) and see all the other movies in hopes that they will be betterrererererer
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Dear Roommate,
I can not stand living with you. I have tried for the last 6 or 7 weeks to find a way to like you... to find your redeeming qualities and to appreciate your quirks. I have found, however, that this is impossible. Every word you speak is for attention and I'm pretty sure my 14-year old sister has reached a maturity level worlds above you. You only love Jesus and God and the Bible because they are an excuse to keep you from being a huge slut because I know deep down you want to fuck everything that can walk. (It might be the cut out pictures of dudes with hearts around them hanging on your desk or the playboy bunny poster AND blanket that you own or your constant need to relate any topic back to sex that give this fact away...) BUT GUESS WHAT... abstinence isn't going to make God love you and make the royal gates to heaven open up to you because THAT IS A LOAD OF SHIT. And if it wasn't a load of shit, you still wouldn't be going to heaven because you are a fake, unappreciative little idiot. Your family doesn't have much money, as a lot of families don't, especially right now, and you are lucky enough to have received a huge scholarship to NYU -- a great school -- BUT APPARENTLY THAT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU. You told me that you have class 3 days a week at 9:30 and I haven't seen you get up before 11 in almost 3 weeks. WHAT THE FUCK? Also, if you have a class that you need to attend in order to keep your scholarship, YOU GO. You do not skip it for the first four weeks of school until your teacher calls you to "politely remind you" about the class. YOU FUCKING APPRECIATE AND CHERISH THE FACT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO THIS SCHOOL FOR FREE THAT THOUSANDS OF KIDS CANT AFFORD OR CAN'T GET INTO. Also, I can hear every single Britney Spears song that you play on your stupid fucking computer even though you're wearing headphones. I have no clue what volume you keep your shit on, but you need to turn it down... or stop wearing heaphones... because A. you're going to go deaf and B. that fact that you think that wearing headphones makes any difference at all drives me fucking crazy. Also, 45 minutes in the bathroom without the shower running is totally unnecessary. Lord knows what you're doing in there (because the Lord sees and knows all, of course) but its rude when you're living with 3 other people who like to pee and shower sometimes. Also, 45 minutes doing your makeup and another 45 minutes doing your hair is unnecessary when the finished product looks exactly the same as when you started. Don't talk to me in your baby voice anymore and don't ask me if I think that because you asked some kid you're obsessed with for a piece of paper that he now knows you're "into him." No... NO NO NO NO NO. You have a BEAUTIFUL singing voice so GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER, OUT OF THIS ROOM, AND INTO THE WORLD AND START GETTING NOTICED. STOP WASTING YOUR BRILLIANT TALENT. Stop burping and farting and gigging and trying to look cute and STOP telling me about the gross things you do like Febreezing socks instead of DOING YOUR LAUNDRY. I can't even talk to you like a normal human being because the only reason you talk is to hear yourself speak or to see how cute you can sound and it's impossible to have a conversation like that. Oh, and I heard you when you ran in the other room to tell Sloane that I was asleep? What's funny or great or entertaining about that? I fell asleep because I was tired, and for some reason it is a huge event? NO. STOP. She has a lot more tolerance for you than I do, but she does not think you're cute. And neither do her friends when you are lurking outside our door peering into their conversations trying to be noticed and get every ounce of attention possible. Now, I don't mean to sound so harsh. I really hope that you do accomplish all your dreams of becoming the next Britney Spears, or at least writing the songs for the next Britney Spears, because you really do have the talent (not the determination) to do so, but I pray for the poor fucking souls who have to accompany you on that journey because I can not even being to imagine the hell that you are going to put them through.
PEACE OUT,
ally
I can not stand living with you. I have tried for the last 6 or 7 weeks to find a way to like you... to find your redeeming qualities and to appreciate your quirks. I have found, however, that this is impossible. Every word you speak is for attention and I'm pretty sure my 14-year old sister has reached a maturity level worlds above you. You only love Jesus and God and the Bible because they are an excuse to keep you from being a huge slut because I know deep down you want to fuck everything that can walk. (It might be the cut out pictures of dudes with hearts around them hanging on your desk or the playboy bunny poster AND blanket that you own or your constant need to relate any topic back to sex that give this fact away...) BUT GUESS WHAT... abstinence isn't going to make God love you and make the royal gates to heaven open up to you because THAT IS A LOAD OF SHIT. And if it wasn't a load of shit, you still wouldn't be going to heaven because you are a fake, unappreciative little idiot. Your family doesn't have much money, as a lot of families don't, especially right now, and you are lucky enough to have received a huge scholarship to NYU -- a great school -- BUT APPARENTLY THAT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU. You told me that you have class 3 days a week at 9:30 and I haven't seen you get up before 11 in almost 3 weeks. WHAT THE FUCK? Also, if you have a class that you need to attend in order to keep your scholarship, YOU GO. You do not skip it for the first four weeks of school until your teacher calls you to "politely remind you" about the class. YOU FUCKING APPRECIATE AND CHERISH THE FACT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO THIS SCHOOL FOR FREE THAT THOUSANDS OF KIDS CANT AFFORD OR CAN'T GET INTO. Also, I can hear every single Britney Spears song that you play on your stupid fucking computer even though you're wearing headphones. I have no clue what volume you keep your shit on, but you need to turn it down... or stop wearing heaphones... because A. you're going to go deaf and B. that fact that you think that wearing headphones makes any difference at all drives me fucking crazy. Also, 45 minutes in the bathroom without the shower running is totally unnecessary. Lord knows what you're doing in there (because the Lord sees and knows all, of course) but its rude when you're living with 3 other people who like to pee and shower sometimes. Also, 45 minutes doing your makeup and another 45 minutes doing your hair is unnecessary when the finished product looks exactly the same as when you started. Don't talk to me in your baby voice anymore and don't ask me if I think that because you asked some kid you're obsessed with for a piece of paper that he now knows you're "into him." No... NO NO NO NO NO. You have a BEAUTIFUL singing voice so GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER, OUT OF THIS ROOM, AND INTO THE WORLD AND START GETTING NOTICED. STOP WASTING YOUR BRILLIANT TALENT. Stop burping and farting and gigging and trying to look cute and STOP telling me about the gross things you do like Febreezing socks instead of DOING YOUR LAUNDRY. I can't even talk to you like a normal human being because the only reason you talk is to hear yourself speak or to see how cute you can sound and it's impossible to have a conversation like that. Oh, and I heard you when you ran in the other room to tell Sloane that I was asleep? What's funny or great or entertaining about that? I fell asleep because I was tired, and for some reason it is a huge event? NO. STOP. She has a lot more tolerance for you than I do, but she does not think you're cute. And neither do her friends when you are lurking outside our door peering into their conversations trying to be noticed and get every ounce of attention possible. Now, I don't mean to sound so harsh. I really hope that you do accomplish all your dreams of becoming the next Britney Spears, or at least writing the songs for the next Britney Spears, because you really do have the talent (not the determination) to do so, but I pray for the poor fucking souls who have to accompany you on that journey because I can not even being to imagine the hell that you are going to put them through.
PEACE OUT,
ally
Monday, March 2, 2009
today i woke up at 8 and found that that nyu was like one of like three schools in the northeast with school today so i went to ci with lj and met a guy from montauk who owned a restaurant she always goes to and got on the train that was almost 40 minutes late. we got coffee in penn then ran to my room only to realize that my computer charger that costs 80$ to replace is broken yet again. by the time i fucked around with it long enough to be thoroughly frustrated i had to get ready so fast and run to class (unlike everyone else) where the projecter was broken and the special lecture that my ta was giving barely even happened so its a good thing they squeezed it in during today's winter storm. i went to some more classes and to conclude the day my teacher brought in a human brain and let us handle it if we wanted. i didn't. but i think only because i didn't want to wait on line.
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